Mistakes and Redemption
by Tallielle
Summary: This is a one shot based on a dream I had! I briefly thought about continuing it, but kind of like it as a stand alone.


It was something that shouldn't have happened. Not that soon. She shouldn't have let it. She wasn't fully ready. Kate sat in her living room, a glass of whiskey in front of her. She couldn't pick it up for fear that the tremble that had crept into her body would cause it to spill all down her front. Something inside of her had shifted since that night-the change was subtle at first but now it felt like something much larger and more terrifying than she thought it would be.

"Shit." She cursed at herself and slammed back the whiskey in one large gulp, then tried to steady her shaking hand to place the fragile cup back on the counter.

She dropped her face into her hands and took a deep breath. How could she have messed up so royally? She had done a good job of holding strong and pretending that nothing had happened between them, but lately her façade had been wearing a bit thin and she had felt the walls that she had erected around her heart slowly collapsing. She had been pretending she didn't remember and he had let that slide, like she knew he would, just like he was letting her pretend she didn't hear his desperate confession after the bullet had tore into her chest. But today something had snapped.

_We need to talk about what happened Kate. I'm done pretending._

She had been stubborn. He had caught her off guard and it was like a sucker punch to the gut. She set her ears back and dug her heels in. She had slipped up, and she couldn't talk about it yet. And then she had pushed him away. Run away from him. Scared. Vulnerable. She hated being vulnerable-it made her skin crawl and the panic set in and curl up like a cold cat in the pit of her warm stomach. She wasn't ready to give up control yet. She knew she would only hurt him irreparably and that was the furthest thing from what she actually wanted to do.

_Go home, Castle. We can't have this conversation here. I can't-_

_Done. I'm halfway home already. Call me when you are ready._

The words had been wound tight, like a wire about to snap. They had a tautness that spawned a sick feeling in her chest. His eyes had flashed with a lightening strike of anger she hadn't seen before. But the anger had been a brief interlude in the maelstrom of emotions she saw brewing in his eyes before he turned away and quietly left the precinct.

She closed her eyes and leaned back into her couch. The alcohol was taking effect and she could feel it sapping into her limbs, making them buzz-heavy and sloth-like. She felt like she was drowning in a violent sea, and pushing away the one man that had always been her life raft.

Scenes from what had happened only weeks before played through her head like a black and white movie.

They had just completed a case and went to celebrate at the Old Haunt. They had both been a couple of drinks in and Rick had leaned over and whispered something in her ear. She had thrown her head back and let out an unbridled and hearty laugh and for some reason placed her hand on his leg. He had been laughing too-until that moment. His breath caught in his throat and he blinked at her with his wide eyes that glimmered like the vast ocean. Then she had stopped laughing too and brown met blue in a smoldering moment. Unspoken declarations passed between them and attracted like magnets, but still didn't allow them to touch. She hadn't moved her hand.

"Do you want to get out of here?" she had been letting the alcohol do the talking. It was why she hated tequila, it somehow always got the best of her. Tequila always seemed to loosen her blistering grip on the controls of her life.

"What?" Rick had sputtered out the word like it had gone down the wrong pipe. She watched his eyes widen and a slow rosyness creep up into his cheeks. There was a brief flash of uncertainty before he composed himself and played it off like he had done so many times before in the past months.

"I thought that we could maybe finish the celebration in your apartment?" she suddenly had felt foolish and shy. "Maybe watch a movie? Or you could show me that new chapter you have been working on?" Still her hand rested on his leg. To him it felt like a hot cattle brand. He knew that her handprint on his thigh would smolder for days to come and his blood would quicken involuntarily at the memory.

Castle seemed to let out a breath that neither of them had realized he was holding. He flashed her the winning smile that always managed to tug at her heart and picked up the check. Things were back to normal. The moment of unbearable heat had passed. Kate breathed a sigh of relief. What was she doing?

The jovial mood picked back up in the taxi. He had her laughing again- so loud that the cabbie had flashed them a murderous glare before they got out.

"If you turn up mysteriously murdered tomorrow morning I know who my number one suspect would be." Kate barked as they made their way into his apartment building.

"Cop humor. How morbid. But what you don't know, Kate Beckett, is that I am a secret superhero. A guy like that could never get the best of me!" he jumped into the elevator with an exaggerated leap, causing the Detective to chuckle again. She always marveled at how he could make her feel like she was lit up from the inside out.

The elevator lurched and made Kate teeter in her high heels. She flailed like a newborn colt before finally throwing one hand haphazardly around Castle's waist.

"Sometimes you aren't so secret." She murmured softly under her breath.

Castle either didn't hear it or pretended not to.

"Anyway, he was probably jealous that I had such a beautiful woman laughing so hard. I would have been jealous if I were him too."

"Stop with the flattery, Captain Charming. I know you are just trying to butter me up so I will let you pick the movie we watch."

The elevator dinged faintly, reminding them to get off on Castle's floor.

When the door opened a mischievous grin passed across the NYPD detective's face.

"Race to the door! I know where your spare key is and if I get there first the movie choice is MINE!" Kate cackled and took Castle off guard with her sudden sense of play. He let out a booming laugh and took off racing behind her to his door.

She was fumbling with the spare and laughing. She turned around to face him just as he stumbled to the door. He nearly crashed into her and the sudden proximity of her snapped him out of his slightly tipsy haze.

She spread her arms and legs out blocking the doorway.

"I got here first... fair and square." She taunted. "I get the movie choice, what're you gonna do about it big boy?" They were both breathing heavily from the impromptu race, their chests heaving in giddy unison. Castle reached around her to slip his key into the lock, pausing for a moment before he turned it in the mechanism. He was so close to her he could feel her ragged breath on his neck. The scent of cherries assaulted his nostrils with their delicate, feminine flavor. He was beginning to feel lightheaded, but stopped questioning himself when the gap between their bodies closed. He had had to scooch himself a bit closer in order to open the door and this put him flush up against Kate. She let his space fill up the valleys of air that her curves created against her body. Every nerve in her came alive and stood on end, tingling. A butterfly flitted around frantically in the cavity of her chest and her heart knocked haphazardly against her ribs. Her mirthful expression suddenly grew serious and she pinned the swirling dark lakes of her chocolate eyes on him, unaware of the effect it would have on him. The havoc it would wreak.

"Castle...I..." she touched his hand, her words dying, drying up in her throat. He had forgotten how surprisingly soft her palms were, like the petals of a lily. He swallowed hard and finally looked up at her, unreadable clouds of emotion crossing the stormy skies of his eyes.

"Kate." He breathed her name into her hair and she felt her world spiraling out of control, she felt herself surrendering to him, he was tearing her last defense down. She wanted him to fill her gaps; her empty spaces; permeate her darkness with his light and warmth.

When the door opened behind her she steadied herself by placing her hands on his chest. She looked at the floor. Her chest felt tight, like it would explode at any moment. She didn't know that she would be able to deal with the shrapnel if it did.

"No one is home?" the query was so soft and vulnerable sounding he barely heard it fall from her lips.

"Uh, no. Martha is out of town on one of her acting retreats and Alexis is staying over at a friend's." She heard him wrestle with a quaver in his voice. He crossed quickly across the room and the lack of his heat against her made Kate shiver slightly.

"Would you like a drink?" he said it with his back turned to her and she could sense him trying to pull himself together. She wished she could see his face. He was reaching up to pull two wine glasses out of the cabinet. She came up behind him.

"Let me help you with that." Her arm brushed against his as she reached up to get her own and he fumbled with his, catching it right before it hit the counter. He let out a relieved sigh and Kate felt her cheeks catch on fire with guilt. They were both being so careful with each other while in the throws of this cruel dance.

"I'm going to get the wine." He spun around quickly and knocked Kate off balance. She had never done well against the element of surprise. She let out a startled yelp and pitched forward against him. They came together in a clamorous mix of heavy stumbling feet, their arms splayed akimbo. He caught himself by leaning back against the counter and prevented her from falling by splaying one of his warm, large hands around a hip. She had spread her hands on either side of him on the counter, one still gripping her glass. No light passed between their bodies that had fallen so perfectly together. He unconsciously put down his glass and brought the other hand to mirror it's twin.

She squinted up at him; her cheeks flushed a conspiratorial pink and her bottom lip drawn in between her perfect top teeth. With her hair awry and her clothes askance from all the stumbling around, Rick briefly thought that she had never been more appealing to him.

"I don't know why I am so clumsy tonight." She said breathily, wishing her voice came out in a stronger timbre. "You have an eyelash." She was just close enough to realize how long and beautiful they were and how they framed his intelligent, dancing eyes. She slowly wound an arm around to his front and brought up her hand to brush the stray one off of his cheek. That simple, intimate gesture made the man standing in front of her decide something. She slid her hand down the front of his shirt and let it rest on a chest that she found was surprisingly firmer than she expected. The look she caught when her gaze connected with his rooted her to the spot in startled surprise of its candid tenderness. He leaned his head in close and she could feel his breath hot against her ear. It took every fiber in her to keep from trembling.

"Don't hurt me." He whispered and it drove like a hot dagger into her core.

The eyelids that she hadn't even realized she closed snapped open.

"What?" Damn. She had meant for that to sound strong, like a gunshot in the stillness. Instead it had come out as a hoarse, breathless whisper that she feared gave her away.

Castle inhaled sharply and she swore she saw a fleeting smile scamper across his face.

"What I'm about to do could elicit a swift kick to the groin or an elbow to the gut."

Her whole body exploded with a flash of heat. She felt a trickle of sweat run in between her breasts and pool around the white pit of the scar over her heart.

"And what are you about to do?" her voice had regained strength and her previously unsure gaze now held his with an equal steadiness.

He moved both his hands up from her hips to cradle her face. What had his mother told him once? A woman's face is meant to be held like a beautiful vase and looked upon like it is a masterpiece. His touch was gentle and his hands on her face were more sandpapery than expected, but it was not unpleasant. Her heart threatened to jump out of her chest.

"Use your expert sleuthing skills, Detective." Now he was teasing her, whispering this with his lips barely an inch from hers. She could hardly believe the chasm of need that he opened up within her. Her eyes had slipped closed again, so it was almost a surprise when his lips finally connected with hers. The kiss was tentative at first-gentle, unsure; like a question. She responded by snaking her arms up and around his back and tangling her fingers in his hair, drawing him nearer-into her. Her hips involuntarily rose to meet his and she could feel the effect her nearness had on him. The kiss deepened into a passionate, hungry declaration. They parted briefly and in unison, like two swimmers surfacing for a snatch of air.

"Ohhhh." It was an involuntary response that escaped her mouth and it was colored in tones both happy and surprised and tinted with desire.

"You are extraordinary." His breathless mouth hot against her ear sent shivers prancing down her spine like so many cold raindrops. She suddenly needed to be even closer to him, her clothes felt like they would turn to ash in a matter of seconds. He kissed the smooth expanse behind her ear.

"Rick." It was throaty and low and tinged with bell tones of longing.

_Oh. My. God._

He kissed the hollow of her throat where the beautiful sound of his name had vibrated just moments before. He kissed the divot where her collarbone fused and then moved back up to plant a sweet kiss on the corner of her mouth before he remembered himself and rested his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. He had paused for too long. She burned for more of his caresses. Her eyes snapped open.

He smiled warmly down at her.

"I'm glad you didn't hit me." He intoned.

"Why did you stop?" it came out sounding more desperate than she had wanted it to.

"Ah...what are we doing?" it came out half-playful and Kate detected a faint, mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

She ran one finger along the skin just above the waistband of his pants and threw a wicked smile his way. She squinted up at him with her big brown blinking gaze feigning innocence.

"I don't know. You tell me." Her words were low and velveteen and made Rick take a breath to steady himself.

"We are in my kitchen...knives usually don't mix well with this sort of thing." He said it as if it was a ridiculous notion and threw a hand around them in an encompassing gesture. She knew he had stopped himself because he didn't want to push her too far, but somehow the alcohol was making her feel brave and brazen.

He had put some space in between them and hand his hands on her shoulders now. She grabbed his belt buckle and drug his hips back to hers.

"That can be remedied."

He swallowed hard. He was pumping the brakes when he desperately wanted to floor the car.

"What about that movie?"

"Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?"

"I..."

"Stop." She pleaded with him softly and pressed one finger to his lips. Whatever he was going to say left his mind and he caught himself diving into the swirling dark waters of her eyes again. She kissed him softly this time, reassuring him, and then broke her body away from his, their hands still linked for a brief second before she leaned into his ear.

"Catch me." She whispered before darting away in the direction of his bedroom with a coy look over her shoulder.

The gesture was an ironic parody for their ongoing situation. Wasn't he always chasing her?

He caught up with her quickly and pressed her against the wall by his bedroom, his skin flushed with the heat of anticipation.

"Oh, Katie." He breathed it softly into her hair and her heart caught in her throat hearing him call her name like that. "Oh, my Katie." He smoothed her hair back from her face and then got that cheeky little boy look in his eye. He leaned her forehead against hers.

"I should call the police."

She trailed a finger across his button up and looked up at him from under her eyelashes.

"And why is that?"

He leaned into her ear, pressing his lips up close again. "Because you need to be arrested. What you're doing to me is a crime."

He pressed her harder against the wall as he planted feather light kisses against her jaw-line. She thrust her body up against his and grabbed his collar to pull his face close before she planted a blistering kiss on lips. She opened her eyes, a question within their depths.

_Do you really mean Always?_

He answered her by catching her lips against his again and again and again. She felt her knees going weak so she wound her legs around his frame, kissing him feverishly. He carried her into the bedroom like that, not even bothering to kick the door shut.

"Remember", she said gruffly when he gently placed her on the bed, "I always drive."

She had woken up tangled in a mixture of him and his sheets. Still half groggy she let out a feline purr and snuggled closer to his warm mass. Then the sudden realization of what had happened the night before hit her full force in the chest.

She looked at the man so blissfully asleep next to her, a sweet expression on his handsome face.

She pressed her hand to her chest, briefly overcome by heart-rending emotion. What had she done?

She quietly gathered her things and left his apartment.

They hadn't spoken about it again until today when he confessed he couldn't take not talking about it anymore.

_Call me when you are ready._

The words echoed in her head, their double meaning strong.

She picked up the phone.

He was at her door in under a half an hour.

When she opened it he looked nervous and unsure, the anger that had crackled in his eyes earlier had since subsided. He also looked a bit rumpled, like maybe she had disturbed him from a nap. Whiskey-cologne hung lightly in the folds of his clothes. Like her, he had been drinking.

She looked guiltily up at him, a shadow of a painful emotion in her eyes.

"Castle, I don't know if I can do this." She turned away from him and leaned against the coffee table, her head down.

She felt him simply standing behind her in the doorway, letting her flounder in her grief and indecision. His stoniness briefly annoyed her before she realized he was studying her, trying to think of the right thing to say-holding himself back from rushing to her and taking her in his arms.

She turned to him, her wide doe eyes misty and filled with fear and pain.

She opened her hands. "I'm damaged goods." He throat bobbed as her words grew thick; holding back her emotions in overwhelming situations had always been hard for her. "I would only end up hurting you and I could never..." her words hitched in her throat and she stopped to catch her breath. She looked at the floor and then looked back up at him.

"I don't care." It was so soft her ears almost didn't detect it. Then his eyes met hers and his voice grew stronger. "You run and I chase. You push me away and I come back. You could rip my heart out and put it back in my chest and I would still be here. Always. That is just what we do. The only thing that would make me walk away was if I didn't think there was a chance that you could love me back. If you don't think that there is a chance just say the word and..."

She cut him off with a startled, half incensed look. She was standing up straight as a rod, her eyes alert and her chin cocked at a determined, defiant angle.

"Castle," this came out ragged and raw with emotion, "I am..." she looked at him, next to speechless. Then he saw her hands clench at her sides and saw her make a decision for herself. "I am crazy about you." There. It was out. What had she been so scared of? Saying it made it real. And there it was-real and big and scary and looming and somehow filled with hope as well. He brought his eyes up to meet yours and brown connect with blue in a flash of electricity.

They stood there like that for a beat, frozen in time and caught up in the moment before she rushed to him and clung to him desperately. They stood, very still, her head buried in his chest for a long while. Time seemed to be standing still. It could have been seconds or minutes or felt him quivering under her and looked up into a face overcome by emotion.

He finally broke the silence. "I have waited so long to hear you say that."

This time it was her that initiated the kiss. She stood on her tiptoes and leaned in, gently pulling his face to hers. When they broke he kissed the tear tracks on her cheeks.

She smiled up at him.

"You make me crazy." She breathed and pulled him into her again.

He was just backing her up against the couch when her phone rang.

"Mmmm."

"Do you have to answer it?" he asked in between sweet, soft, adoring kisses.

"Oh...Castle...oh...YESSS. YES I HAVE TO ANSWER IT." She turned her face away from his and picked up the phone.

"Beck-eeeetttttt." She managed. Castle was trying not to chuckle as he kissed the sensitive dip by her throat. She half-heartedly tried to slap him away and pinned a faux angry gaze on him as she mouthed "stop it."

"Whats up?" it was Esposito's gruff voice that from the other end. "Are you okay? You sound kind of weird. Did I interrupt something?" he didn't wait for her to answer, "Anyway, we got an APB on that suspect you and Castle were so hot to trot about. I would suggest you call him up and be at the precinct in 30."

"Mmmmhmmm." He was kissing the side of her face and now the corner of her mouth. She covered the phone's speaker and placed a firm hand against his chest, waggling her head.

"Beckett?"

"We'll be there Espo. But can you maybe give us 45? I was just talking with Castle before and he seems..." there was an unusually long pause here, "preoccupied."

"Gotcha. No problemo. See you soon. Are you sure you are okay?"

"Yeah...I was just...exercising."

"Okay." She could almost hear him rolling his eyes through the phone. "See you at the precinct."

She hung up the phone.

"45? That will give us roughly 20 minutes to get downtown. Yeah, I can swing it." He leaned in to kiss her again. She let him engage in a long and steamy kiss before she broke away, chest heaving.

Her brown eyes were mirthful when she looked up at him.

"If you think we are walking in together you would be incorrect." She pushed him back against the couch and sidled her lips up next to his ear. "We have to keep this under wraps at the precinct. We can continue this later. Consider this your get-the-hell out and get me a coffee kiss." She pressed her body close to his and tangled her fingers in his hair, kissing him as slow as her own pumping blood would allow.

"Bye bye." She climbed off of him and stood up up next to the couch, one long finger pointing to the door.

"You might need to give me a second. I don't know if I can walk. You have amazing self-control."

"What do you think I learned at the academy?"

She watched him struggling to compose himself.

"Dead puppies dead puppies dead puppies...""

"What are you doing?"

"I need to think of something un-sexy."

She rolled her eyes.

"Okay." He sighed out, relieved he had gotten his run away heart under control.

He got up, bounced on his heels and went over to her and placed his hands on her hips.

"You need to go—oo-oh." He caught her lips in mid-sentence with a kiss that robbed her breath. He backed her against the wall and held her there, his strong body snuggly drawn into hers. He let his hands lips roam a bit before they came back to her face and he kissed her again, long and fierce. Then he broke away and sauntered towards the door, a large cat-ate-the-canary type of smile on his face.

"I—where are you-what-where are you going?" she sputtered, still stuck to the wall, chest heaving.

"To get you your coffee. A writer always gets the last word." With that he ducked out of her apartment. She heard him chuckle softly and then go whistling down the hallway.

She would get him back.

This was war.


End file.
